The “I Must Win” Mindset

The notion of “win-win” a dangerous trap while negotiating. So be very, vary wary of win-win. The win-win ideal tempts good-hearted people to buy into bad deals that they later come to regret.

Here’s why. Let’s say, for example that you adopt a “win-win” attitude with someone who has an “I-must-win” outlook, your “win-win” perspective almost guarantees you’ll be the only one offering concessions in order to reach an agreement. Since you are expecting the other person to be equally concerned about looking out for your needs, not only will you be disappointed,but you will find that the other person has helped themselves to everything they wanted,along with everything you freely offered.So basically you have a double ghata(loss),

Your best defence is to adopt the 3-Step Alternative to “Win-Win”- “wish, want, walk.”

1. Write down your wished-for goals.

2. Study what the opposition wants.

3. Write down the number and conditions at which you will walk away.

Simple enough? Not really. Research shows that executing on each of these steps makes most people feel awful. For instance, setting high goals means you’ll almost always miss those goals, but you’ll achieve more than if you had set lower, more realistic goals. Most set low goals because of that enjoyable feeling you get when you succeed. People actually feel better when they ask for $50 and get $50 than when they ask for $100 and get $60, even though you’re obviously better off with $60 than you are with $50.

Researching the other side’s position and probing for weaknesses to exploit doesn’t feel very good, either.About 75 percent of middle-class people don’t agree with exploiting weaknesses during negotiations. Among the multi-millionaires, though, exploiting weakness is the name of the game.

And as far as walking away from a deal? Less than a quarter of middle-class people have an easy time abandoning a business deal “if it’s not just right.” But for multi-millionaires, it’s unanimous. Take a walk if you can’t get what you want: 100 percent agreement.

Negotiating is a psychological game.To be successful at it, it’s important to know the obstacles inside your own head that make each step of wish, want, walk so difficult to execute. If you’re like most people, you’ll avoid setting a very high goal at the start of a prospective deal because you fear coming away with nothing or you don’t like to seem unrealistic or unreasonable. You’re also likely to feel reluctant to investigate and exploit the other side’s vulnerabilities because that’s not something that a nice person does. And, walking away because you haven’t gotten what you want? That makes the whole process feel like a waste of time. Who wants to go home empty-handed after all that work?

If you’re dealing with an experienced negotiator, that negotiator is trying to use all these psychological biases and social norms against you. He’ll thank you for being reasonable (hoping to cow you into abandoning your highest goals). He’ll remind you of your own weaknesses, having thoroughly studied your position. And he’ll dare you to be rude enough to walk away. He’ll exploit what’s known as “the norm of reciprocity,” by telling you how smart and considerate you are–and then he’ll make a ridiculous low-ball offer. His flattery creates inside you a natural psychological urge to reciprocate by accepting the offer, when the thing you really need to do is tell him that you’re ready to walk away if that’s the best he can offer.

Self-made multi-millionaires know this. It’s how they got where they are. 

Negotiation is all a matter of courage. When you settle for a “win-win” deal that you really don’t care for, you’re basically choosing to sell yourself out. You’re telling your negotiating opposite,”I’ll be so considerate of your convictions and desires that I won’t have the courage to express and actualize my own.”